Yes, I went for Reuben Kee's wake.

Dear All,

Yes, after much thought and hesitation and discussion, I actually went for Reuben Kee’s wake. Yes, I know, I had a lot of comments and concerns prior to my risk-taking action. Here are some random comments:

“You wanna go for this wake? Siao! I know you are sad, but don’t have to show empathy this way”

“I think it is okay to go, but don’t you think it’s a little awkward?”

“No! Don’t go!”

“Erh....”

Yes, I know, xiao as I can be, awkward as it may be, I just have a strange feeling that I just have to go for it. I don’t know why. It’s one of those moments where... your head says no, but your heart says yes. And my heart is pounding so heart. Oh for God’s sake, I’m having sleepless nights (then again, maybe cos I’m just sick with cough and other nonsense sickness)

After an awfully terrible Wednesday at work, I made my way to the MRT station. I was feeling rather worried when I was in the train. I was thinking, ‘What if the parents ask me to go back? What if I’m not welcomed at all?’

But I remembered I heard that people are welcome to come to Reuben’s wake. Never mind, I told myself. If they don’t welcome me, at least I tried. Don’t you think it’s weird? Something just called me to his wake. But, anyway...

I reached Bishan MRT and I walked down to his block. It wasn’t too far actually, although the map seems quite detailed. While walking and trying to figure out the place, I saw strapping young fit men walking out of a lane and walking into the coach awaiting along the road. Okay, looks like the national dragonboat team. True enough, it was them! I turn into the lane and I saw the wake premises.

I entered and I was immediately lost. I have never seen so many people attending a single wake in my life! I think there were close to hundreds of them (not including people that were going to come)! Thankfully a kind soul let me to the main area. I wanted to pay respects but there were so many people and they were starting the Christian service. Oh heck, why don’t I just sit down and join them?

I sat down waiting for the service to start. I met 2 young ladies and they were so sweet. Upon hearing how I got to know about Reuben (or rather, how I was actually more of a member of a public and not Reuben’s friend from some place), one of them said, “This is so nice of you to be coming down for his wake”. Welcoming notes.

The service started with hymns and songs (and yes I don’t know much but I just tried to sing along). The thing about me singing hymns and songs of this kind is that I am very restricted to a particular octave. And I can’t sing too low, cos it sounds strange on me. But if I sing the female range, it might either be too high or I get weird stares. Anyway I just sang. Maybe God blessed me with a unique range lah.

After the singing, we sat down and hear dedications to him and stories from his immediate family, his father, his mother and his sister.

Reuben’s mother step up 1st and spoke about him as her precious child. It was a little mushy and lovey-dovey, but I really felt the love from her and him and... I felt so touched upon hearing her speak. She spoke about him being a sweet boy, messaging her when she messages him (he gain strength from his mother’s encouragement), holding her hand at such a big age, being so sweet...

Tears just started falling from my eyes. From that moment, I saw a lot of people with teary faces and saddened looks. I was not alone in this.

Reuben’s father then came out and spoke about the reality and tried to be strong and encouraged us to appreciate lives. He seems rather positive, but sad about the situation. He described the moments they heard about the news and how they reacted towards the moments. He didn’t blame anyone for Reuben’s misfortune. He believed that God had a plan for him.

Reuben’s sister’s speech was the most relevant to me, as she shared about sibling rivalry and love. It’s just so like my family in a way. Except that... the love is not strong, like theirs. She spoke of Reuben turning from her small little scrawny brother to her hunky muscular ‘big’ brother. I think they were very close last time and she felt so much for his loss. She sang a few songs, which was nice of her and I enjoyed them.

2 guests came up. One from the organisation that did a musical with his composition for young kids. The other was Sunny Boys model, who did the Calendar Guys (and yes the previous winner Jason Lau came).

I queued up to pay respects to Reuben. It was really saddening. I looked around and I saw many people with solemn looking faces. I even saw a young guy crying his heart out. I can’t help but feel so heartbroken. I think the lost of a really talented, young and charming man is too much for anyone, really.

I mean, although Reuben and I have NEVER crossed paths, I am affected because a young talent is gone from the face of the Earth. A stunning guy, whom could have any girl he wants. Oh, not to mention that he really has a big heart. He works with ITE students, friends and even little kids. It’s so sweet of him. If only I got to know someone so inspiring earlier.

But after paying respects to him...I felt at ease. At last, I got to be close to such an inspiring man. Of course it’s sad to be meeting him in this state, but at least... I feel happier. And I seriously think that it’s something that God arranged.

Okay pause! God arranged you to meet Reuben like this? Are you out of your mind? NO!

What I mean is... God might have arranged for me to attend the wake to inspire me, to make me more positive and happier.

Thanks to Him, I feel so touched and I just feel that I want to be like Reuben. Okay, I don’t necessarily need to go to Yamaha and started banging the piano or go to Kallang and paddle like there’s no tomorrow (or even beg the modelling agency to give an exception to a guy of 1.65m frame), but I want to have his qualities. Strong, gentle, filial, happy and sweet.

Also, I want to be closer to my family. Upon hearing their speeches, I felt so sad. I haven’t spoken to my maid regularly prior to her departure (back to Udon Thani, Thailand). I haven’t spoken to my ah-ma, who always ask me not to spend so much money on movies and other stuff. I haven’t spoken much to my cousins. I haven’t spoken much to my aunties, whom brought me up to who I am. And to my immediate family, my brothers and my parents. I cried, just thinking about the distance that I have created between them.

And I also wanna show my love to my friends too! I wanna show them that I care and that I feel a lot. I mean... I think what I want to do is change whatever I can to make my life better. And not to give up on myself. Sometimes, it’s just so hard to live life. But we must not give up. We must move on and be strong.

This is what I want to be. Strong in the mind, body and soul. I will do whatever I can to make something out of myself! God, thank You for giving the opportunity to be inspired. And Reuben, take care and rest in peace, gentle giant. It’s a pity that I never got to know you, but I’m sure we would have kick it off well (haha, I hope)! Anyway, see you in Heaven!!!

That’s all for now, folks. Thank you for taking the time to read.